Humans are one of the relatively few species who rest their whole brain at once: close both eyes and go fully unconscious. Most animals only rest half their brain at a time and sleep with literally one eye open.
Cassian had been sleeping with one eye open what felt like his whole life. When in enemy territory and couldn't betray his position with a sound; when sharing a room or bed with a mark and couldn't let them take him by surprise or hear him sleep-talk anything out of character; when alone piloting a ship and had to be ready for an alarm to go off—or just to stave off being entirely at the mercy of his own subconscious.
Being watched over by himself, knowing exactly how capable a guard that was—as well as, perhaps, being unprecedentedly wrung out and uninterested in his own survival, from Scarif—Cassian slept more deeply than he had in a long, long while.
The downside of which was: he dreamed.
on the broad steps of carida academy in the riot the tall man crumpled and the boy ran out from cover brandishing a toy blaster and uselessly trying to defend the man with it
he deposited a handful of grit into the gears trying not feel the terror of being inside the war machine the moving parts that enclosed and could crush or maim him he was small and slipped out again and cheered with the rest to see the machine explode but in his dreams for the rest of his life, as he hadn't at the time he saw the operators trapped inside burning alive
he fought so hard - whirling around and around himself - couldn't stop if he wanted to and he did want to but frightened at the momentum - at how it went on without his own consent - at how he was trapped in it and couldn't break out of it until suddenly it was done - he was still - looking down at the bodies splayed out around him and though they'd been stormtroopers a moment ago now they were everyone he cared about and had been trying to save
making love to jyn suddenly her kyber pendant in his hand as he throttled her with the cord his hand on a blaster firing into her stomach her lips going black because he was poison her body going limp and face turning blue and he could do absolutely nothing
screaming at kay not to leave him alone
or all their atoms simply drifting, dissolving apart in the white-green kyberlight
He would have doomed himself if on assignment, with the tossing and crying out.
^_^ ^_^ ^_^ <3
Humans are one of the relatively few species who rest their whole brain at once: close both eyes and go fully unconscious. Most animals only rest half their brain at a time and sleep with literally one eye open.
Cassian had been sleeping with one eye open what felt like his whole life. When in enemy territory and couldn't betray his position with a sound; when sharing a room or bed with a mark and couldn't let them take him by surprise or hear him sleep-talk anything out of character; when alone piloting a ship and had to be ready for an alarm to go off—or just to stave off being entirely at the mercy of his own subconscious.
Being watched over by himself, knowing exactly how capable a guard that was—as well as, perhaps, being unprecedentedly wrung out and uninterested in his own survival, from Scarif—Cassian slept more deeply than he had in a long, long while.
The downside of which was: he dreamed.
He would have doomed himself if on assignment, with the tossing and crying out.